Navigating Suicide Grief During Father’s Day

When you have lost someone to suicide, it’s understandable that certain holidays can be emotionally, physically, and psychologically draining.

Brian Douglas lost his daughter to suicide in 2013 and has been a volunteer with Samaritans since 2018. Brenna Sullivan, whose father died by suicide, is the Senior Coordinator of Suicide Grief Support Services at Samaritans. Brian and Brenna shared their experiences to help other loss survivors navigate this Father’s Day.

Remember, there is no right way to grieve, and we each need to find what works for us. Be kind to yourself and remember it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. You are not alone—Samaritans is here to support you throughout your grief journey.

Grieving the Loss of a Child

After Brian’s daughter, Karen, died by suicide in October 2013, he found holidays to be emotionally draining. Each served as an unwelcome reminder of his heartbreaking loss—his first Thanksgiving without his youngest daughter, followed by his first Christmas, his first New Year’s, and so on.

Brian’s first Father’s Day without Karen, in June 2014, was no exception. Between commercials and marketing emails, it was impossible to avoid thinking about his loss. “It’s one of those holidays where you’re always reminded. You think, ‘Don’t they know how hard this is for people who have experienced loss?’”

On holidays and anniversaries, Brian makes sure to devote time to think about Karen and do something that honors her. If he is overcome with sadness at a time when he’s unable to stop and give himself a mental break, he finds time later for his emotions. “If I’m overcome by thinking about Karen but I’m in the middle of something that requires my attention, I put those feelings on a shelf and pick them up later in the day. I find that time to devote to Karen, and to think about her importance in my life.” 

I find that time to devote to Karen, and to think about her importance in my life.

Brian knows he can’t navigate his grief alone. He believes it’s important to keep in contact with friends and family, particularly in emotionally difficult times. However, the emotions that come with suicide loss can be foreign to our friends, and not all people grieve the same. If you need support beyond friends and family, Brian believes the best solution is to attend a SafePlace meeting. He attended meetings for five years until becoming a facilitator for Samaritans in 2018 and has been volunteering ever since.  

“I’ve found that a SafePlace meeting is the best place to talk with others and be comfortable in a place where everybody has a similar experience,” Brian says. “When you are in that state of mind where nothing seems normal and you are telling your story, and people are just saying ‘I know what you mean’ – it’s just so comforting.”

It’s understandable if talking about your loss with strangers sounds daunting. But Brian has seen how SafePlace groups support new attendees and make them feel comfortable. “Even if you don’t feel like talking, you’ll likely hear someone say something that makes you think, ‘I was thinking the exact same thing’ or ‘I feel the exact same way.’ Even though our emotions might be slightly different, we have more in common with each other than we have differences.” 

In addition to attending SafePlace meetings, Brian recommends calling the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. “For anybody who’s going through their first year of loss, I would encourage them to call 988. You don’t have to be suicidal to use it—it’s there if you just need to talk to someone.” 

For those in the early stages of their grief journeys and struggling with the thought of Father’s Day, Brian stresses that things can get better. “As difficult a time as this can be, just know that there are others who have walked the same path and are further down the road. Our pain never goes away and we’ll never forget our loved ones, but it gets easier to live with.”

Grieving the Loss of a Father

Brenna was only five years old when her father died by suicide in 1998. Because she has limited memories of her dad, she welcomes any opportunity to learn more about him. She and her siblings talk about their father often, something that has been incredibly healing for her. “I’m at a point in my life where I just want to hear more stories about him. How did he live? What was he like as a teenager? What were his favorite songs?”

To help navigate more challenging days, such as holidays and anniversaries, Brenna relies on her support system, which includes her siblings, her mother, and her husband. Having that strength to ask for help is an important trait Brenna wants to pass on to her son. “I want to create a place for my son where he feels safe to ask for help if he feels like he needs it. Where he is able to talk about his feelings. Where he is never alone if he has a problem.”

Those difficult days, like Father’s Day, can be more challenging for Brenna when talking to people who aren’t familiar with her loss. In that situation, she sets her own limitations and remains in control of how much information she shares.

“If someone asks how [my dad] died, sometimes I just say he passed away but I don’t want to talk about it, and we move on. Sometimes, I say he died by suicide, and that sparks a conversation and creates a safe environment to talk about him. It really just depends on how much I feel like sharing that day.” 

“I think the best way to support a loss survivor is to know you’re never going to fix it,” Brenna adds. “Being able to just listen and sit along with their grief is the best thing you can do.” 

For those wondering how to talk to children who have lost a father to suicide, Brenna believes it is important to create an environment that allows them to share their feelings. “I think one way to support kids is just meeting them where they’re at. And if they’re having a day where they seem sad, create a space where it’s okay to talk about it and then just follow their lead.” 

Brenna attended grief counseling regularly after her father died and experienced her first SafePlace meeting as a senior in high school. That peer support was essential to her healing. “What helped me the most with my grief was finding other children who have lost parents to suicide. I felt really alone and needed to find someone else like me.”

I felt really alone and needed to find someone else like me.

When Brenna began working for Samaritans in February 2024, she felt a spark from the power of community and connection. She appreciates the opportunity to use her Life Experience to help other loss survivors.  

“I’m just a huge believer that we don’t have to go through this life alone,” Brenna says. “To be able to help create this community of people who know what it’s like to go through this and turn their pain into purpose—it’s pretty incredible.”