If you have a loved one who has survived a suicide attempt or recently been discharged from an inpatient mental health program, you may feel anxious about talking to them about their experience. These fears are completely understandable:
- I don’t want to invade their privacy.
- What if I say the wrong thing?
- What if I trigger them into relapsing or attempting again?
- I’m not a therapist – I can’t talk about this.
These concerns come from a place of love and genuine worry. Many people believe talking about suicide might depress someone or encourage another attempt. In fact, the opposite is true. According to the Didi Hirsch Suicide Prevention Center, openly discussing suicidal thoughts reduces their intensity and shame and creates space for people to discover new alternatives. When left unaddressed, the secrecy and stigma surrounding suicidal thoughts and attempts could contribute to future suicidal behaviors.
By speaking openly and using the word “suicide” without judgment, you show that you are a safe person to open up to.
What Survivors of Suicide Attempts Feel
Suicide attempt survivors often experience complex emotions including shame and embarrassment, while sometimes carrying conflicting feelings of both relief and anger about surviving. Frequently, the crisis or mental health struggles that contributed to their attempt cause them to withdraw from their support system when they need connection the most. They may also fear future impulsive suicide attempts.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Just show you care, you’re willing to listen, and they don’t have to face this alone.
What to Say After a Suicide Attempt
Create the right environment. When opening a discussion, choose a quiet, comfortable setting where you won’t be interrupted. Use open-ended questions like “How have you been feeling?” or “What’s been on your mind?” to encourage sharing without judgment. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just show you care, you’re willing to listen, and they don’t have to face this alone.
Listen actively and validate their experiences. Let them share at their own pace and reflect what you hear using their own words. Avoid making assumptions or pressuring them to talk. Use validating phrases like “Thank you for trusting me with this” or “It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pain” to help them feel heard and understood.
Balance heavy conversations with hope. While discussing suicidal thoughts is normal and necessary for healing, look for opportunities to validate their progress and strengths. You can appropriately lighten moments through gentle humor, small talk about pets or current events, or other topics that help balance the weight of discussing death and suicide. Don’t feel like you need to walk on eggshells or drastically change the way you act around them.
Keep reaching out. If an attempt survivor isn’t ready to engage in a conversation, don’t stop trying to connect with them. They might not be ready to talk immediately, so continue to reach out, validate their feelings, and offer a consistent presence. “I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I am here to listen.”
Don’t minimize their pain or make it about yourself. While well-intentioned, certain responses can be harmful or push an attempt survivor away. Avoid cliché phrases like, “You have so much to live for,” or “Just think positively.” Don’t make it about yourself (“How could you do this to me?”) or offer quick fixes (“Have you tried exercising more?”) Don’t interrogate them about the details of their attempt – how, when, where, and why.
Finally, don’t dismiss ongoing struggles. It’s common for attempt survivors to continue having thoughts of suicide. If someone expresses they are thinking about suicide, stay calm and let them know you’re there for them. Take their words seriously, but don’t express anger, panic, or judgment. You can ask about contacting their therapist, a medical professional, or calling 988.
Offer Resources
If someone wants to talk about their suicide attempt, they are likely looking for connection and understanding—not problem-solving. However, if they ask, or if it feels relevant to your discussion, you can offer some of these resources for practical skills for suicide prevention:
Self-Care & Coping Skills
Safety Planning
- Stanley Brown Safety Plan Worksheet
This is a safety planning PDF worksheet, which some might find easier or more helpful than a tech-based tool. - Safety Plan Infographic
Offers an engaging step-by-step guide to forming a safety plan. - My 3 App
With this app, people can have a safety plan available at all times. It’s also tied in with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, so help is easily available in crisis situations (website under construction). - Virtual Hope Box
Smartphone app designed to help patients with coping, relaxation, distraction, and positive thinking.
Survivors of Suicide Attempt (SOSA) Support Group
The SOSA group model was developed by the Didi Hirsch Suicide Prevention Center in Los Angeles, California. The model has been shown to significantly reduce suicidal ideation, hopelessness, suicidal desire, and suicidal intent in participants. In this group, we offer the opportunity for people who have attempted to take their lives to connect in a nonjudgmental and empathetic environment.
SOSA is a new Samaritans program made possible by our Every Conversation Counts campaign.
