Steven lost his partner, David, to suicide in 2009. As a gay man grieving his partner, he faced unique challenges: no bereavement leave or workplace support, dismissal of his loss since he wasn’t legally married, and insensitive questions about David’s sexuality. He also navigated the challenging emotions many other suicide loss survivors experience: loneliness, anger, relief that his partner was no longer struggling, and guilt for feeling relieved.
The loss shattered Steven’s identity as a kindergarten teacher. He quit his job and got a PhD in psychology , wanting to understand David better even after his death.
Steven now works as the Director of Postvention & Community Programs at The Kita Center, a non-profit offering community care and connection for youth who have lost a loved one to suicide. He realizes healing after suicide loss is not about separating his identity before David’s death from who he is now, but about integrating all parts of himself—someone equipped to teach and support young people, which is what he has always wanted to do.
I didn’t want his death to define him. I didn’t want to tell anyone he died by suicide. I had to come to a place where I was like, ‘No, I want to tell those stories, and it isn’t shameful.’
Get Support
If you have lost someone to suicide, you are not alone. Samaritans is here to offer suicide loss survivors nonjudgmental listening and peer support through virtual and in-person programs, including a suicide grief support group for the LGBTQ+ community.
